Google Make Money Blogging About Making Money Blogging

Monday 26 March 2012

Stop Reading Other People's Silly Blogs

The more time you spend reading other people's silly blogs the less chance you have of actually developing a voice. In the writing world you either do something first or you do it best.

All these ridiculous blog posts about how to write well, short, long, tall, best, etc. are fluff and weasel juice. Read a few, take in the important stuff and then just stop looking at them altogether!

The on-line world of writing about writing, blogging about blogging, and networking for the sale of networking is a merry-go-round of mediocrity that will get you nowhere. 

99 percent of PDF eBooks are garbage. Especially if they sell for 29.99.

Consider your blog as your Curriculum: A reflection of your style and your unique viewpoint. When it's good enough people will come to you. If after about five years nobody comes along, do something else!

Wednesday 25 January 2012

How To Get People To Like You With Subliminal Body Language Super Secret Power Tips

Are you emotionally crippled or just physically awkward?

Do you dream of being confident, sexy, debonair, dashing and just plain amazing? Do you have a sneaking suspicion that if you came out from underneath your bucket, and stopped acting like a quivering heap of jelly, you would be someone different? Someone successful maybe, like a singer, or an actor, a gigolo, or even a gazillionaire!

Greatness is Great

Now, thanks to these body language power-tips, you can be everything you ever dreamed of, and of course, much, much more. Leave the geeks, freaks, and "uniques" behind and get over here with us backslapping, happy, popular people. Have some money! And a swimming pool! What, you want a yacht? Done! Have three!


Heard Enough? Get Our super-secret body language power-tips right now!

Arnie is a wimp!

If this all sounds a little bit unrealistic that is only because you still haven't tapped into the amazing power of body language. Did you know that Arnold Schwarteneger is actually a five foot runt with no money and bad breath. Really, all the rich successful people do! The only reason he looks to you like an enormous, muscle-bound millionaire is because he knows the secrets of body language, and you don't!

So why should you believe me!

Because I am one of the people who you have always dreamed of being. A tall, strong person with perfect hair and teeth. I am rich, and therefore a role model. You shouldn't be questioning my authority, you should feel privileged that I am talking to you. I'm sending you a mental high five right now! Say thanks!

More super-secret power secrets revealed

Our body language super-secret power tips are simple, but powerful. Once you know them, you become one of us! That's right, one of the few, the 1 percent, the privileged! Leave your grotty home and your tatty wife behind, and join us on the super yacht to success.

Are you ready for your free super-power-secret-tips?

Here they come....

Are you ready...

POWer...

1. Eye Contact: Maintain it, at all times, with everyone else rich, always!

2. Posture: Stand up straight, don't slouch. Your not poor now you know!

3. Nod: Agree with whoever you are talking to!

4. Smile: Always, using your teeth. Make them stick out!

5. Proximity: Get close, touch people, fiddle with them even!


Are you blown away by our generosity? I hope so! You should be! We have just shared five of the most amazing tips ever invented by basement dwelling muppets anywhere, ever!

Get our amazing super-secret power-tip package now! It contains another two free power tips just as powerful as these.



For just 99.99!!!


And, we will throw in another amazing tip for free, just to help you stop being you! You'll be so amazingly powerful and amazing that women will find you irresistible. 


Stay away from my wife, you sex god you!

Wednesday 18 January 2012

My Journal of Awesomeness: Scribble Your Way to Succces With Banality

This is the first entry in my new Journal of Awesomeness! 

Never heard of one? Get ready to be amazed! This is sliced bread, with a Higgs Boson on top!

A journal of awesomeness is a book you write in every day to remind yourself of how awesome and A-MAZING you are. 


I already known that I'm A-Mahazing. Now I can be AWESOME too!

The Journal of Awesomeness comes from a really, really silly blog. I saw it mentioned in a breakfast tweet, and nearly choked on my yoghurt. I didn't though, so I wrote that down in my journal. 


"Dear diary, today I didn't choke. I'm AWESOME!".


I felt better straight away!


This really works!

At last, after years of depression, angst, soul-searching and false starts, the answer suddenly becomes crystal clear. Thank you really, really silly blog, for lifting the fog! From now on, life will be easy and all my meals will come with extra gravy!

Instead of doing some work, then going for a surf, I can sit alone in a dark room and scribble furiously in a pointless notebook. By telling myself that my petty daily achievements are awesome, I will become awesome, due to the mystical process of Osmotic Bollocks! 

The really, really silly blog even gives some practical tips about what to put into my journal of awesomeness, starting with"woke up feeling rested for the first time in ages," or "chose a salad over pizza for lunch". Thank you really, really silly blog, for helping me to understand that I can solve all my problems with banality!


The Journal of Awesomeness is a pointless load of drivel, disguised as superficial pyschobabble, wrapped in a layer of utter piffle, with a light sprinkling of rhinoceros peewee! The web guru fartypants industry has reached new highs! What will they come up with next? I can hardly wait to find out! The future is awesome! 


Now where's my journal?


If my point of view offends you, tell me why, then write about how brave you are in your journal of awesomeness. 

Sunday 15 January 2012

Social Media To Continue Expanding Infinitely And For Ever And Ever And Ever

Social media growth defies gravity. Can it last?


A fascinating study by the University of Waffle and Lettuce has revealed that Social Media is set to continue expanding. Eventually,  the entire universe will be one humongous Tweet. The study, commissioned by the SEO Marketing PDF eBook Guru Institute, also found that SEO gurus and in-bound marketers will soon rule the world. From their parent's basements!


With Facebook set to debut on the stock markets with a value of a gazillion dollars, some old-fashioned, fuddy-duddies are daring to suggest that social media and social networks are turning into a bubble. These Luddite fools, who still own pens, and even use them to make words, are of course, completely wrong. Their absurd notions of ROI and cost-effective marketing are now obsolete.  If someone doesn't understand the true value of millions of people wasting their time sending by each other videos of cats, simply unfriend them and move on.


The unprecedented growth of social networks will soon spread from people to devices, such as fridges, cars and sex toys. This future "Internet of things" will make social networks better:  Most of the tweets between inanimate objects will be less banal than the ones between humans.  

Friday 13 January 2012

Blogging Tips: Make Your Readers Feel Like Crap By Reminding Them How Much Richer and Cleverer and Betterer Than Them You Are

Stop with the negative blogging!


Blogging used to be a nice, friendly backwater where a load of lonely people told each other about their cats, children and gardens. Then, one rainy day, some Smart Alec came along and realised that they could make money by blogging. The blogosphere has been going downhill ever since. 


Instead of well meaning, albeit damn boring, posts and personal musings, now we are inundated by pro-blogger mailouts full of barely concealed affiliate links, ridiculous PDF eBooks, and insufferable, badly-filmed video tutorials. Worst of all, they are almost all as boring as the original blogs about cats!


There is one specific element of the pro-blogger industry that has got me in enough of a tizzy to get off the sofa and write a post of my own.


First, here is a spoof link to my own non-existent affiliate link. Click here, and don't get a completely stale and utterly useless PDF eBook!


Because most pro-bloggers and on-line marketers don't have any original ideas whatsoever, they tend to rely on dreadful content to attract suckers traffic. This tends to be in the form of articles with depressingly unoriginal titles containing such monuments to banality as "top ten ways to", "five reason why", and "are you making this mistake". 


Open one of these totems of triviality and you get reams of re-hashed old ideas, ridiculous suggestions, and patronising, bad advice. The future of in-bound marketing is in the hands of people who advise you "tidy up your desk to boost productivity", "blog regularly to increase traffic", "stop looking like an idiot by learning some grammar", and "avoid Elephantiasis by not having sex with pachyderms". That last one may not be a real quote, the first three come from my inbox today!


More insidious, and more damaging to the blogosphere in the long term, is the rising tide of negative in-bound marketing designed to prey on people's insecurities. 


Today's examples of this include the "stop looking like an idiot" quote mentioned above, and other gems such as "why most freelancers suck", and "the main reason why you are not earning as much as me".


There is, of course, a place for this sort of weasely negative content. 


THE BIN!! 


Negative inbound marketing may get you reads in the short term, as you stick hot knives into people's insecurities, and remind them of their inadequacies. However, any negativity has to be tempered with genuinely useful, highly original content. I don't mind being told that I am a lazy, messy, barely literate loser by a semi-anonymous blogger, provided that I get something worthwhile in return. In my book at least, being told to tidy my desk and learn how to use the semicolon doesn't really cut the mustard.


Constant negative blog posts and mailshots is in serious danger of ruining blogging for everyone. Wannabee pro bloggers seem to spend so much time leaving insincere comments on each other's posts that they forget that blogging only works if you have readers. Not everyone who reads a b log is a pro-blogger with an affiliate deal, or a PDF eBook-peddling weasel. 


It is time to move away from negative titles, preachy content, and the unrelenting drive towards conversions and profit. Stop telling me why I am inadequate! That is what my wife is for!!


If you agree with me, click here for a super-secret page. If you don't, click here for a super-secret page full of free PDF eBooks. 


Finally, click here if you knew that writing "click here" gets you 13% more conversions than writing "don't click here, it is poisonous".

Tuesday 6 December 2011

Make Millions Selling Weasel Juice To Suckers

Juice a weasel for good health every day
The weasel (Mustela nivalis) is a small and graceful creature that inhabits the hedgerows of the British and European countryside. It is common but crafty, and difficult to capture. The weasel's guile has served it well because country folk have hunted it for centuries thanks to the amazing curative properties of its juice.



Did you know that miracle weasel blood is mentioned in Shakespeare?



In Hamlet, when the tragic hero is crashing about with a hangover he screams, "my kingdom, my kingdom for a weasel smoothie".



Get into the Weasel Zone!


The weasel zone is the popular name for the blissed-out state you sink into after drinking a glass of weasel juice. Sink back and feel the powerful antioxidants purge your blood and polish your bones. Tumours vanish, kidney stones dissolve, finger nails sparkle and hands shrink as the powerful, natural chemicals in weasel juice rebalance your system.



Buy British weasel juice today and help keep our country traditions alive. Did you know that country folk are now so endangered that only three people still speak Wisewomanese? 


With globalisation on our doorstep isn't it nice to know that you can contribute to Britain's heritage by supporting a local industry. Buy weasel juice here today and save Britain and its endangered traditions!


The health benefits of weasel juice are immeasurable. There is so much power in a single weasel that when a laboratory tested our products it exploded and cured every case of cancer within six miles!


Here are the Top Five Reasons to Get Into Weasel Juice Right Now


Appetite Suppression: Drink the pure juice of a raw weasel and you won't feel like eating again for hours. Have you ever seen a fat weasel? No? That is because weasels can eat whatever they want whenever they want because they are made of weasel juice.


Antioxidants: Weasels are so high in anthocyanins, cyanoanthocins and cinoanthocyans that the laboratory that first tested the juice exploded. 


Anti-Ageing: Get one of your five a day from weasel juice and not only will your skin get younger but you hands will shrink back to baby size.


Arthritis Cure: Weasel-juice relieves joint pain and cures arthritis. That is why the druids never had arthritis.


Anti-cancer: Nobody in the jungle ever gets cancer because they all eat weasels every day. In fact, it is all they eat!


WOW! Five top health benefits of Weasels and still on "A"


Here are some more:


High Fibre: Juice your weasel unpeeled and the fur and bones will keep you regular as the summer solstice. 


Essential Fatty Acids: There are as many essential fatty acids in a glass of freshly-squeezed weasel juice as there are in a whole ocean of cod's livers. 


Eliminate Toxins: Weasel juice is mildly purgative so a full glass will cleanse your body of all those nasty toxins that lurk behind your pituitary. There is nothing like a cold glass of pure weasel juice followed by seven house or projectile vomiting to cleanse your system.


Cleanse your colon: Weasels are not just for juicing. Instead of paying for expensive colonic irrigation just pop a couple of live weasels up there overnight for a thorough cleanse. 




Don't just believe us. Here are what some of our customers are saying about this innovative, never before sold product that you can be the first to own:


Mandy from Dagestan says "Thanks to your amazing colon cleansing weasel product I no longer have occasional digestive discomfort. Also, your weasel weight loss program and weasel diet tips have changed my life. I feel so much more confident now that I have a weasel in my colon. Thank you so much, you guys are great".


Mickey from Disney says "I'm walking and talking weasel to everybody and anybody that will listen! Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to get out there and tell the entire world just how wonderful weasels really are. I still don’t believe it! All these stressful years of digestive discomfort problems have come to an end in just a few short days thanks to the weasel in my ass. I have basically addressed the worst part of my life with a weasel. Thanks a million weasels!"

Mitt from Utah says: Well, I'm happy to say that I was introduced to wonderful weasel juice drinks and my blood work went back to normal in sixty days. My chronic hip and knee pain is gone thanks to the injections of weasel serum. Weasels have changed my life!!

Victoria from London W1 says: "Adding weasel juice to my regime of rodent-based supplements has extended my lifespan by over 120 years. I plan to use some sort of weasel product for the rest of eternity. And, I have lost 20 pounds in the last ten days thanks to weasel-therapy".



Jump on-board the latest health food juggernaut before it leaves town. The supply of weasels is limited and you may not be able to buy them for long! 


Weasels are long and thin and stack up perfectly in the freezer. Stock up on weasels now before they go extinct!!!! Get your weasel deal today.


Buy a month-long supply of freeze-dried weasels and get another month free. Our weasels are high in antioxidants and vitamins because we freeze-dry them in the hedgerows with a out patent-pending WeaselFreezer device. Don't pay good money for inferior weasels or cheap stoats as they will not make you live for ever.


Get your weasels here today and get into the:






Here at the weasel Institiute For Public Health our weasel scientists are constantly studying the A-AMAZING weasel and creating new products for our weasel sales team to sell. We are always looking for weasel SEO network marketing affiliates to sell our weasel products to the public. Get in on this opportunity to be a weasel partner right now.


All the other Interweb gazillionaires will laugh at you unless you have Ads for weasel juice all over your website. The race is on to produce the first PDF eBook about the miracle weight loss properties of Weasel Juice.


Don't get stuck in the past selling yesterday's acai berries. All the suckers know by now that they don't work! 

Sign up for our Weasel Affiliate Club today and get a free weasel with every weasel order you can weasel up. 

Friday 2 December 2011

Get Rich By Selling 100 Trillion EBooks

How does the economics of the perpetual-motion, you-buy-my-eBook-and-I'll-buy-yours market work? Is it a sustainable business model that adds to the wealth of the Planet or an absurd merry-go-round that only Charles Ponzi could be proud of?

Let's have a look at the figures of a typical PDF eBook. Even better, let's use mine. My A-AMAZING EBook is called How To Make Money Selling eBooks About How To Make Money Selling eBooks. You can but it here for the A-AMAZING price 0f 29.99.

BUY MY ABSURD PDF eBOOK HERE NOW TODAY

FOR 29.99

Let's say I need to sell 100 PDF EBooks a month in order to make a living. That means that 100 people who are interested in Making Money Selling eBooks About How To Make Money Selling eBooks now know the secrets of my success. Because my eBook is so A-AMAZING they instantly sit down and spend 45 minutes researching and writing their own eBook. The most enterprising ones just change the cover and resell my eBook.

There are 100 people selling eBooks. To make 3000 dollars per month each they need to sell 100 eBooks each for 29.99. That's 10,000 eBooks.

Armed with the knowledge about how to Make Money Selling eBooks About How To Make Money Selling eBooks these 10,000 people all write an eBook of their own. To make a living thy need to sell 100 eBooks each.

That's One million EBooks

To illustrate the absurdity of the PDF eBooks market here is a useful graphic:

1
100
10000
1000000
100000000
10000000000
1000000000000
100000000000000
10000000000000000
1000000000000000000
100000000000000000000
10000000000000000000000 
1000000000000000000000000
100000000000000000000000000
EBOOKS  ARE  A  PYRAMID  SCHEME 

Unless you are pretty damn close to the top of the pyramid you don't stand a chance. Or you have an original idea! But then why would you waste that on a PDF eBook for 29.99.

This blog is lazy, cynical satire! If my point of view offends you I suggest you write a PDF eBook about it. Just don't expect me to read it!