Stop Reading Other People's Silly Blogs

The more time you spend reading other people's silly blogs the less chance you have of actually developing a voice. In the writing world you either do something first or you do it best.

All these ridiculous blog posts about how to write well, short, long, tall, best, etc. are fluff and weasel juice. Read a few, take in the important stuff and then just stop looking at them altogether!

The on-line world of writing about writing, blogging about blogging, and networking for the sale of networking is a merry-go-round of mediocrity that will get you nowhere. 

99 percent of PDF eBooks are garbage. Especially if they sell for 29.99.

Consider your blog as your Curriculum: A reflection of your style and your unique viewpoint. When it's good enough people will come to you. If after about five years nobody comes along, do something else!

How To Get People To Like You With Subliminal Body Language Super Secret Power Tips

Are you emotionally crippled or just physically awkward?

Do you dream of being confident, sexy, debonair, dashing and just plain amazing? Do you have a sneaking suspicion that if you came out from underneath your bucket, and stopped acting like a quivering heap of jelly, you would be someone different? Someone successful maybe, like a singer, or an actor, a gigolo, or even a gazillionaire!

Greatness is Great

Now, thanks to these body language power-tips, you can be everything you ever dreamed of, and of course, much, much more. Leave the geeks, freaks, and "uniques" behind and get over here with us backslapping, happy, popular people. Have some money! And a swimming pool! What, you want a yacht? Done! Have three!

Heard Enough? Get Our super-secret body language power-tips right now!

Arnie is a wimp!

If this all sounds a little bit unrealistic that is only because you still haven't tapped into the amazing power of body language. Did you know that Arnold Schwarteneger is actually a five foot runt with no money and bad breath. Really, all the rich successful people do! The only reason he looks to you like an enormous, muscle-bound millionaire is because he knows the secrets of body language, and you don't!

So why should you believe me!

Because I am one of the people who you have always dreamed of being. A tall, strong person with perfect hair and teeth. I am rich, and therefore a role model. You shouldn't be questioning my authority, you should feel privileged that I am talking to you. I'm sending you a mental high five right now! Say thanks!

More super-secret power secrets revealed

Our body language super-secret power tips are simple, but powerful. Once you know them, you become one of us! That's right, one of the few, the 1 percent, the privileged! Leave your grotty home and your tatty wife behind, and join us on the super yacht to success.

Are you ready for your free super-power-secret-tips?

Here they come....

Are you ready...

POWer...

1. Eye Contact: Maintain it, at all times, with everyone else rich, always!

2. Posture: Stand up straight, don't slouch. Your not poor now you know!

3. Nod: Agree with whoever you are talking to!

4. Smile: Always, using your teeth. Make them stick out!

5. Proximity: Get close, touch people, fiddle with them even!

Are you blown away by our generosity? I hope so! You should be! We have just shared five of the most amazing tips ever invented by basement dwelling muppets anywhere, ever!

Get our amazing super-secret power-tip package now! It contains another two free power tips just as powerful as these.

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And, we will throw in another amazing tip for free, just to help you stop being you! You'll be so amazingly powerful and amazing that women will find you irresistible. 


Stay away from my wife, you sex god you!

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Click here if you think you can out-Tweet a twat at tweeting on Twitter

My Journal of Awesomeness: Scribble Your Way to Succces With Banality

This is the first entry in my new Journal of Awesomeness! 

Never heard of one? Get ready to be amazed! This is sliced bread, with a Higgs Boson on top!

A journal of awesomeness is a book you write in every day to remind yourself of how awesome and A-MAZING you are. 


I already known that I'm A-Mahazing. Now I can be AWESOME too!

The Journal of Awesomeness comes from a really, really silly blog. I saw it mentioned in a breakfast tweet, and nearly choked on my yoghurt. I didn't though, so I wrote that down in my journal. 


"Dear diary, today I didn't choke. I'm AWESOME!".


I felt better straight away!


This really works!

At last, after years of depression, angst, soul-searching and false starts, the answer suddenly becomes crystal clear. Thank you really, really silly blog, for lifting the fog! From now on, life will be easy and all my meals will come with extra gravy!

Instead of doing some work, then going for a surf, I can sit alone in a dark room and scribble furiously in a pointless notebook. By telling myself that my petty daily achievements are awesome, I will become awesome, due to the mystical process of Osmotic Bollocks! 

The really, really silly blog even gives some practical tips about what to put into my journal of awesomeness, starting with, "woke up feeling rested for the first time in ages," or "chose a salad over pizza for lunch". Thank you really, really silly blog, for helping me to understand that I can solve all my problems with banality!


The Journal of Awesomeness is a pointless load of drivel, disguised as superficial pyschobabble, wrapped in a layer of utter piffle, with a light sprinkling of rhinoceros peewee! The web guru fartypants industry has reached new highs! What will they come up with next? I can hardly wait to find out! The future is awesome! 


Now where's my journal?

If my point of view offends you, tell me why, then write about how brave you are in your journal of awesomeness. 

Social Media To Continue Expanding Infinitely And For Ever And Ever And Ever

Social media growth defies gravity. Can it last?

A fascinating study by the University of Waffle and Lettuce has revealed that Social Media is set to continue expanding. Eventually,  the entire universe will be one humongous Tweet. The study, commissioned by the SEO Marketing PDF eBook Guru Institute, also found that SEO gurus and in-bound marketers will soon rule the world. From their parent's basements!


With Facebook set to debut on the stock markets with a value of a gazillion dollars, some old-fashioned, fuddy-duddies are daring to suggest that social media and social networks are turning into a bubble. These Luddite fools, who still own pens, and even use them to make words, are of course, completely wrong. Their absurd notions of ROI and cost-effective marketing are now obsolete.  If someone doesn't understand the true value of millions of people wasting their time sending by each other videos of cats, simply unfriend them and move on.


The unprecedented growth of social networks will soon spread from people to devices, such as fridges, cars and sex toys. This future "Internet of things" will make social networks better:  Most of the tweets between inanimate objects will be less banal than the ones between humans.  

Blogging Tips: Make Your Readers Feel Like Crap By Reminding Them How Much Richer and Cleverer and Betterer Than Them You Are

Stop with the negative blogging!

Blogging used to be a nice, friendly backwater where a load of lonely people told each other about their cats, children and gardens. Then, one rainy day, some Smart Alec came along and realised that they could make money by blogging. The blogosphere has been going downhill ever since. 


Instead of well meaning, albeit damn boring, posts and personal musings, now we are inundated by pro-blogger mailouts full of barely concealed affiliate links, ridiculous PDF eBooks, and insufferable, badly-filmed video tutorials. Worst of all, they are almost all as boring as the original blogs about cats!


There is one specific element of the pro-blogger industry that has got me in enough of a tizzy to get off the sofa and write a post of my own.


First, here is a spoof link to my own non-existent affiliate link. Click here, and don't get a completely stale and utterly useless PDF eBook!


Because most pro-bloggers and on-line marketers don't have any original ideas whatsoever, they tend to rely on dreadful content to attract suckers traffic. This tends to be in the form of articles with depressingly unoriginal titles containing such monuments to banality as "top ten ways to", "five reason why", and "are you making this mistake". 


Open one of these totems of triviality and you get reams of re-hashed old ideas, ridiculous suggestions, and patronising, bad advice. The future of in-bound marketing is in the hands of people who advise you "tidy up your desk to boost productivity", "blog regularly to increase traffic", "stop looking like an idiot by learning some grammar", and "avoid Elephantiasis by not having sex with pachyderms". That last one may not be a real quote, the first three come from my inbox today!


More insidious, and more damaging to the blogosphere in the long term, is the rising tide of negative in-bound marketing designed to prey on people's insecurities. 


Today's examples of this include the "stop looking like an idiot" quote mentioned above, and other gems such as "why most freelancers suck", and "the main reason why you are not earning as much as me".


There is, of course, a place for this sort of weasely negative content. 


THE BIN!! 


Negative inbound marketing may get you reads in the short term, as you stick hot knives into people's insecurities, and remind them of their inadequacies. However, any negativity has to be tempered with genuinely useful, highly original content. I don't mind being told that I am a lazy, messy, barely literate loser by a semi-anonymous blogger, provided that I get something worthwhile in return. In my book at least, being told to tidy my desk and learn how to use the semicolon doesn't really cut the mustard.


Constant negative blog posts and mailshots is in serious danger of ruining blogging for everyone. Wannabee pro bloggers seem to spend so much time leaving insincere comments on each other's posts that they forget that blogging only works if you have readers. Not everyone who reads a b log is a pro-blogger with an affiliate deal, or a PDF eBook-peddling weasel. 


It is time to move away from negative titles, preachy content, and the unrelenting drive towards conversions and profit. Stop telling me why I am inadequate! That is what my wife is for!!


If you agree with me, click here for a super-secret page. If you don't, click here for a super-secret page full of free PDF eBooks. 


Finally, click here if you knew that writing "click here" gets you 13% more conversions than writing "don't click here, it is poisonous".